Living by Faith

2 Corinthians 5:7

“For we live by faith, and not by sight.”

On January 1st of this year I was spending time with the Lord praying for the new year and that he would show me what He had for me this year. He gave me a word to represent what He had for the up coming year, FAITH. Along with that word He gave me the above verse. As January continued and turned into February Live by Faith became my motto for the year. I had no idea how God would ask me to step out in faith throughout 2018 but I knew that if He asked me to take a step of faith I would say yes! As the year progressed there were times I had to take little steps of faith and I did so willingly. There were also times that faith was what I clung to. When protests and violence started in Nicaragua I clung to the phrase live by faith because the country I called home was facing a time of uncertainty and my normal was no longer there. There was not much I could control but I could keep living by faith. I took a huge step of faith when I left Nicaragua on April 23 to take two weeks away and focus on self care. The situation in Nicaragua hit me hard and fear took control. I was a mess. I don’t remember much about those two weeks in the states except that God worked hard on my heart and helped me focus on my relationship with Him. I returned to Nicaragua at the end of those two weeks ready to finish the year strong even though the situation in Nicaragua was still not normal. I had my fear better controlled and I stepped out in faith to return to Nicaragua and my students. I could feel God’s presence physically with me upon my return to Nicaragua and my return to my students. Unfortunately the protests and violence continued to the point that it was getting harder and harder to have school because we did not know if it would be safe for our students to get there. On May 17 our school board and admin decided due to the uncertainty and safety of our students we would finish the last two weeks of school online. After that I packed up my classroom said see you later to my colleagues and friends and then packed a carry on for the summer (why I only packed a carry on of clothes I don’t know but my emotions were all over the place). Due to flight prices and feeling like God was asking me to leave right away even though I didn’t want to, I left Nicaragua on May 19. As I sat on the plane tears silently fell from my eyes as I thought of all my students and friends who were still there. I cried for Nicaragua, for a place I loved and called home. I cried for the loss of normalcy. I don’t remember much of that flight other than I was listening to worship music and I heard 5 songs in a row with a phrase about God fighting for me and Him knowing whats best for me. I prayed that God would show me his plan for my unexpected time in the states and that He would guide me. Soon after I arrived in Michigan I felt God leading me into a time of discernment. At the time I saw it as an invitation to discern what God had for me this summer. Originally I only planned to be in the states for 4 weeks and suddenly I had 2 months. Right away God led me to a few volunteering opportunities which have been a huge blessing. God then started to lead me in another direction for discernment, a direction I did not want to follow. Throughout the past year I spent time praying and discerning if God wanted me to return to Nicaragua next year and each time I felt him saying YES OF COURSE. When I started this time of discernment I never thought God would lead me into discerning to stepping away from NCA and Nicaragua, but that is exactly where He led me. When I started to sense that was what He was calling me to discern and pray about it I fought it really hard, that was not what something I wanted to even think about. I love NCA and I love Nicaragua how could I take a year off, especially at a time like this. I then brought others into the discernment with me because I wanted to be sure I was following the Lord’s plan. As I talked with my  family and friends,  I prayed and pleaded with God to let me return to Nicaragua but the more I pleaded the more I heard God asking “Do you trust me? Will you follow where I lead even if it is not your plan? Will you leave everything you own behind to follow my plan? My precious daughter do you trust me?” As I answered yes to those questions I was filled with a sense of sadness but also peace. Sadness because it was becoming clear that answering yes to those questions meant I would have to let go of a place, a people, and a school that mean so much to me, yet I was filled with peace because I knew God had a plan. He has a plan that I do not yet fully know. So it is with a saddened heart but also the peace of a knowing Father that I step out in faith and step away from teaching in Nicaragua. My heart hurts writing this. When I left Nicaragua a month ago I had every intention to be back in August. I only took a carry on with me, but our God works in mysterious ways. He kept me thinking I was returning for a reason, a reason I do not yet know. Having to make this decision is not easy, it is definitely not what I thought I would be doing, but I trust our heavenly Father and trust in his plan. I want to make sure that it is clear that I am not making this decision because of the unrest and violence in Nicaragua I am making this decision because I feel that this is where the Lord is leading. The unrest has forced me to take a step back and really invest in my relationship with the Lord. If you are reading this know that I appreciate you and your friendship. You all have been hugely supportive of my life in Nicaragua whether you were a part of my community in Nicaragua or you were a part of my support system around the world. I am so thankful for each of you and the way God has brought us all together in different ways for His kingdom. I am saddened that God is calling me away from Nicaragua, but I know He has a plan for me and for each one of you and I am excited to see how his plan unfolds. “For we live by faith, and not by sight.”

Abrazos y bendiciones

Angie